It’s been a strange-feeling Christmas this year, and I can’t quite put my finger on the reason.
This is the first Christmas since my oldest was born that I am working. Perhaps I have felt the time constraints more keenly because of that. When I was able to get presents for my kids, it was within a week and a half of Christmas, and how time breathed heavy down the neck of my shirt. The things they wanted were no longer available; snapped up by others with the luxury of time and income. ~a touch of resentment there.
At the mall yesterday (a place I had hoped to avoid) I was aware of the materialistic nature of the season. Signs everywhere begging for attention, and I felt dissatisfied. I’ve been naming emotions the past few days and that one pops up frequently. I’m on the road a lot more this year with work commutes and I’m more aware of the douchy nature of so many drivers. Why not just let the guy in? Why do you have to close ranks and be a dick? Why? Where is the courtesy? Where is the compassion?
I know it’s out there. I see it on my facebook feed daily through the lives of friends and acquaintances near and far.
There’s just something lacking, which is hilariously ironic because truthfully, I lack for nothing. Nothing of importance anyway – I have love, comfort, family, a roof over my head, and those are enough for my soul. It’s my ego that is dissatisfied.
So, to the ego, I say go. Leave and let self bask in the joys of the season. There is nothing here for you to worry over, or stress about, or be angry about. Nobody else matters. Just relax.
Breathe. Beer. Cookies. Delight. Togetherness. Tradition. Family.