Friday Fictioneers – No Good Shall Come

jennifer-pendergast4

No Good Shall Come

Word Count:  100

She stood on the parapet; beautiful, beguiling, radiant. I loved her, so deeply. But we did not belong to each other. Our love was genuine and mutual, yet torn from its secret space by King Robert’s malignancy. He saw us share eyes in this very courtyard surrounded by onlookers, and could bear no more. I was too far to be her protector, and could only watch as he, with a roiling, bitter heart, drove her over the edge.

She died in my arms, and I in hers, as the Guards’ arrows pierced my heart.

“I love only you.” We whispered.

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22 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – No Good Shall Come

  1. Dear Brit,

    At least they were able to die in each other’s arms. The king’s malignancy was rather disturbing. While I understand what you mean, it sounds like he has a tumor.

    Poignant idea and heartbreaking tale.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

  2. Dear Britlight,

    The sharing of eyes sound inherently messy, but we know what you mean. How does your narrator know the condition of the King’s heart? Is he omniscient or just clairvoyant or guessing or supposing? There is a somber mood to this piece that fits the story, which I like a lot. Very tragic and star-crossed, but I think if you read it objectively you will see there are areas that detract from the clean flow of the story. The last line is beautiful and believable. It fits your tale well and with a little tweaking, the items that derail the reader’s train of thought can be removed from the tracks or smoothed out. There is so much good about this one that I do not want it to seem that the things I mentioned outweigh them. It is only because I am sold on your premise that I mention what I thought as I read each line. My sincerest apologies if I have overstepped into it.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • Nothing overstepped at all, Doug. Thank you for your comment. The narrator is the lover, and I’m of the impression that the King has known about the affair for some time. He reaches his breaking point when the lovers make their feelings known in public; an act which infuriates and humiliates him. I admit that I wasn’t as deeply involved in this story as with others; a little careless perhaps. We all have these pieces – the great, the not so great and the downright ugly. 🙂

  3. I’m a bit confused about the exact dynamics of how they die, given that they end up dying together, but the narrator was “too far to be her protector”.
    I liked the sense of sorrow and love in the story, if you chose to go back over this, I think you could make it great

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