On no pressure

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We have to remember that it’s okay to not know the outcome of something right now, or now, or now.  That we are good and fine with each moment, and that the answers will arrive in their own time.  No matter how long that time may be.

This week, I have neither retreated nor come forward.  I am seemingly in stasis, whereby I can neither give to nor receive anything emotional from my husband.  He gives to me, I see it, but I am unable to absorb it or let it be what he wants it to be in me.  I can give him love and gratitude and friendship but I can provide nothing more.

I am at the beginning of learning to be okay with relinquishing control.  No easy feat when it has been the driving force for so long.  It feels foreign.  At times, as though I am floundering.  Am I doing it right?  Shouldn’t I be feeling this, or that?

There is no right or wrong to what you feel.  You just feel.  Or you don’t.  Perhaps the feeling will return.  Perhaps it’s the same but coming at you from a different angle.  When it reaches its destination, hopefully you will know what to do that is best for you.

I have remembered this in a mantra form quite successfully this week whenever I begin to feel overwhelmed.  I breathe deeply, pause, and accept the dull ache in my solar plexus; the worry, and I give it space.  In this way, I will avoid becoming wound up in it.

 

Bird on a car

Well.  Here I am in a much better frame of mind.  The pendulum began to swing back up after a very low month or so and needed one extra push which led me to my crystal/reiki lady at Penns Place.  I visit every couple of months to lay on her massage table with the appropriate stones linked by string, placed on my main chakras.  We meditate for a few minutes and then she performs reiki on me.  It’s one of the things I love to do…it’s only the third time I’ve had it done but it’s essential; it restores my wellbeing and I feel energized and happy.  Sometimes extraordinary things happen too.  When she places her hands over my Third Eye, the internal vision blossoms a dark blue or indigo, it’s amazing.  At other times as she is working her way down my body, I can feel myself lying straight but also crooked and jutting out on either side at the same time.  It’s sort of like Jodie Foster’s character in Contact when she’s strapped to the chair in the machine.  At times, she is separated from her own self – it feels like that.  Last Saturday when I visited, I had vivid vignettes; fast, colorful and with no discernible meaning.  I wasn’t sleeping yet I couldn’t remember them when I sat up.

Our living situation hasn’t changed.  We are 12 days away from our final day at this house and still have no place to go.  Currently, we are waiting for an answer on a lovely house we found less than a mile from the one we are in.  It has a huge back garden with a treehouse sort of thing and when I drove by it a few days ago, I couldn’t help but take a sharp breath in and think “I want to live here”.  It’s in a cul-de-sac and would also mean no hassles with schooling for the kids.  We are hoping the agent will approve a co-sign.  We wait and we hope.  In the meantime, per our realtor’s instructions, we keep searching just in case and I’m taking the kids to see another house this evening.  Not close by.

Last week on the way to work, the radio was on but I wasn’t really listening, just sort of looking at things and vaguely wondering things.  One random thought was the question of birds and cars.  Specifically, do birds alight on cars when the cars are stopped?  And if so, why have I never seen it happen?  It went unanswered obviously and I thought nothing of it until yesterday when I pulled out of work to the traffic light.  Right in front of me, a bird with wings and legs outstretched attempted to land on the roof of the car in front.  The light changed and the car moved, thwarting his efforts but he appeared to follow it a few feet before veering off in front of me.  I chuckled, slightly amazed that my question had just been answered.

And that brought me to my thoughts about Angels.  I do believe in spirit guides but angels were a gray area until I started this biscuit journey of mine. I ran across an entry on WP about numerology a few months ago and since then, it’s been darting to and from the forefront of my consciousness.  So much so, that I have a page on my Google Chrome app permanently set to Doreen Virtue’s Angel numbers.  I’m not that au fait with it all but I do notice, mostly on license plates, the triple digits.  I saw 333 twice yesterday.  I saw 555 the day before which I never see.  I also see 444 a lot.  It’s a step too far for my husband so I don’t share with him as much.  In fact, this is the first time that I’ve admitted to dabbling a squidge in numerology.

Given the way my path has been lately, I’ll grab those numbers and run with them to help build up my faith because the empty, hollow, faithless feeling I’ve had recently, although is part and parcel of this journey, is not a place I want to be in again anytime soon.

Lisa…