We have to remember that it’s okay to not know the outcome of something right now, or now, or now. That we are good and fine with each moment, and that the answers will arrive in their own time. No matter how long that time may be.
This week, I have neither retreated nor come forward. I am seemingly in stasis, whereby I can neither give to nor receive anything emotional from my husband. He gives to me, I see it, but I am unable to absorb it or let it be what he wants it to be in me. I can give him love and gratitude and friendship but I can provide nothing more.
I am at the beginning of learning to be okay with relinquishing control. No easy feat when it has been the driving force for so long. It feels foreign. At times, as though I am floundering. Am I doing it right? Shouldn’t I be feeling this, or that?
There is no right or wrong to what you feel. You just feel. Or you don’t. Perhaps the feeling will return. Perhaps it’s the same but coming at you from a different angle. When it reaches its destination, hopefully you will know what to do that is best for you.
I have remembered this in a mantra form quite successfully this week whenever I begin to feel overwhelmed. I breathe deeply, pause, and accept the dull ache in my solar plexus; the worry, and I give it space. In this way, I will avoid becoming wound up in it.